I was sitting in a jazz club in the heart of Bangkok—not some mellow lounge, but a vibrant, electric, joy-filled place bursting with life. The band was on fire—horns blazing, bass thumping, drums rolling like thunder. The crowd was clapping, dancing in their chairs, laughing loudly and freely. The whole room pulsed with celebration and connection.
And honestly?
It felt sacred.
Not in the way a cathedral does—but in the way something real, good, and full of love feels sacred.
That’s when I met her.
She was from Malaysia, sitting with her boyfriend nearby. Between sets, we struck up a conversation. The topic shifted from travel and culture to spirituality and faith.
And then she said something that stopped me cold.
“You know, our culture used to be like this,” she said, glancing around the room. “We danced. We laughed. We knew how to enjoy life. But when the missionaries came to Malaysia, they made it seem like anything fun was wrong. They didn’t always say it outright, but the message was there: if it felt joyful, it was probably sinful.”
She looked again at the jazz club—at the warmth, the laughter, the music—and then she asked:
“What’s wrong with this?”
And in that moment, my heart broke.
Not because she misunderstood Christianity.
But because she understood it exactly as it had been presented to her.
She had encountered a version of the Gospel stripped of joy. A message of restraint without relationship. Rules without love.
And the tragedy is, that’s not the Gospel at all.
The Leader Who Changed My Life
Her words brought me back to a vivid chapter from my own life—back in college, when I was deeply involved in a campus ministry tied to a church.
I was fully committed. I followed the rules. I became a leader. Our ministry was led by a man I respected—he was serious about his faith, devoted to doing right, and focused on righteousness. But everything centered on what not to do. What to avoid. What was wrong.
There wasn’t much room for laughter. Joy felt like something you had to justify.
But then… something changed.
That leader moved on to become a missionary in Germany, and someone new took over. I’ll never forget meeting him. From the first moment, he radiated something different.
He was joyful. Free. Loving. Light.
We all went out to eat one night, and he casually ordered a beer. For someone raised like me, where alcohol was considered basically sinful, it was shocking. But he didn’t drink to get drunk. He wasn’t trying to be edgy. He simply enjoyed it—peacefully, joyfully, without guilt.
But it wasn’t just about the beer. It was everything.
He threw parties filled with upbeat worship music, dancing, and laughter. We celebrated together—no shame, no pressure, just joy in the presence of God and each other. It wasn’t empty hype. It was real joy rooted in love.
And this man—he changed my life.
He was the most fun, free, loving person I’d ever met. And also the most spiritual. Because he lived from the source of love. And that source overflowed with joy.
But Then… He Lost It
That’s what made what happened next so heartbreaking.
His joy and leadership couldn’t be ignored, and the church elevated him to lead a larger group. But the senior leadership—much like my former college leader—held a tight, rule-based vision of faith. Discipline. Self-denial. A focus on what was “right.”
And over time… the joy faded from his face.
He started talking more about sin, more about rules, less about grace. The laughter stopped. The dancing stopped. He became cautious. Guarded. Tense. Measured.
He hadn’t lost his position. He had lost his light.
And it broke my heart. Because I had seen the joy of real love in him. And I watched it be slowly replaced by legalism and fear.
Love Produces Joy—Not Just Morality
Here’s the truth:
If you’re not living in joy, you’re not living in love.
You may be living in fear. You may be living in religious performance. You may be following the rules, but you’re not following the heart of God.
Because the fruit of the Spirit is not just self-control or faithfulness.
It is:
“Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness…” (Galatians 5:22)
Look again: Love comes first. And what follows immediately? Joy.
Real love doesn’t shut you down—it opens you up. Real love doesn’t mute the music—it turns it up. Real love makes you laugh deeply, dance freely, and breathe fully. It doesn’t come with shame. It comes with life.
David Danced. Why Don’t We?
King David understood this.
When the Ark of the Covenant—the very symbol of God’s presence—was being brought into Jerusalem, David didn’t just stand still and nod respectfully. He danced. With all his might.
“Wearing a linen ephod, David danced before the Lord with all his might…” (2 Samuel 6:14)
And when his wife Michal saw him from a window, she despised him for it. She thought it was undignified. Irreverent. Improper.
David didn’t care. He replied:
“I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this…” (2 Samuel 6:21-22)
Because when you’re in love, you don’t need to impress anyone. You just dance.
Your Father Wants You to Be Free
Let’s make this really simple.
Loosen up. Have fun. Laugh out loud. Dance. Celebrate. Your Heavenly Father is not frowning at you. He loves you with a joy that goes beyond understanding.
Think about what you want for your children. Do you want them living in fear of your disappointment? Or do you want them to feel safe, loved, and full of life?
Of course, you want them to stay away from things that will harm them—drugs, drunkenness, deception—not because they’re “wrong” on a moral scoreboard, but because they rob them of real joy.
God is the same.
He’s not trying to keep you from fun. He’s trying to lead you into joy that lasts. Into love that frees. Into life that overflows.
Let the Joy Rise Again
If your version of faith is making you tense, anxious, afraid, and joyless—it’s time to come home to love.
Because when you live in the Source of Love, joy is not optional. It’s inevitable.
So smile. Laugh. Order the meal. Dance to the music. Hold your loved ones close. Invite others in. Be a light.
And if anyone asks why you’re so joyful, just smile and say:
“Because I’ve tasted love. And it is very, very good.”
— Donald Flor, Cofounder of Love Love Love