Love

Love Is Not Being a Doormat: The Strength of Truthful Love

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We often hear, “Love everyone.” And it’s true — love is the very heartbeat of God. But somewhere along the way, many of us began to confuse love with appeasement, kindness with people-pleasing, and compassion with avoiding hard truths. The result? We think being “loving” means never upsetting anyone, never saying “no,” and never confronting what’s wrong.

That’s not the love Jesus lived.

When you read the Gospels carefully, you see something remarkable: Jesus was full of mercy toward the humble, but He was never soft on the stubborn and arrogant. He embraced the sinner who knew they needed help. He defended the outcast who had been shamed by society. But toward the self-satisfied, the manipulative, or the spiritually proud, His love took a very different form — sharp, truthful, and often disruptive.

The God Who Is Holy and Love

God is not 50% holy and 50% love. He is 100% holy and 100% love at the same time. His holiness is His perfect purity, His utter separation from all that is evil or false. His love is His boundless, self-giving heart that seeks the good of all.

We tend to swing to one extreme or the other:

  • All “holiness” with little love — We become harsh, judgmental, and quick to condemn.
  • All “love” with little holiness — We pacify, excuse sin, and avoid anything that might make someone uncomfortable.

True love — the kind we see in Jesus — is full in both ways. It is the blazing holiness of truth and the tender embrace of mercy held together in perfect harmony.

Our Human Extremes: Two Ways to Miss Love

As humans, we tend to run toward extremes when dealing with people:

  • Extreme #1 — Be “nice” and let everyone walk over us. We call it love, but really it’s fear of conflict or desire to be liked. We smooth over sin, avoid hard truths, and think that keeping the peace is always the loving thing.
  • Extreme #2 — Get upset, reject, and stay mad. We feel justified in shutting people out, writing them off, and letting bitterness harden our hearts. We call it “standing for truth,” but it’s really self-protection and ego.

Both are counterfeit forms of love.

  • One withholds truth in the name of kindness.
  • The other withholds kindness in the name of truth.

Neither looks like Jesus.

The Ego’s Two False Loves: Fight or Flight

These extremes are just the ego’s “fight” or “flight” in disguise:

  • Fight – Harden your heart, see people in categories (“good people” and “bad people”), and withhold your heart from those you deem unworthy.
  • Flight – Smooth everything over, pacify the proud, and avoid conflict by offering shallow pleasantries while keeping your true heart hidden.

Both are self-protective. Both keep us from actually loving.

Jesus lived a third way. He gave His heart fully — to everyone. He never hardened it against the arrogant. He never ran from the unlovable. He never put people into categories that determined whether they deserved His compassion. He died for all, forgave His enemies, and loved with a heart wide open — even toward those who rejected Him.

And yet… He did not pacify them. He did not water down truth to preserve their comfort. His love was as fearless as it was open.

The Rich Young Ruler: Love That Won’t Pacify

One of the clearest pictures of this comes in Mark 10:17–22.

A wealthy young man came to Jesus with respect, asking, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” He was confident in his moral record — “All these I have kept since I was a boy.”

Then comes a moment that should shape how we see love: “Jesus looked at him and loved him.”

That love was not a sentimental smile. It was not a soft pat on the shoulder and a “keep doing your best.” It was a love that cared too much to leave him in the illusion that his life was in order. Jesus’ next words were strong, direct, and costly:

“One thing you lack. Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

The man walked away sorrowful. Jesus didn’t chase him down to make the message easier. He didn’t say, “Well, maybe just give a little and keep most of it.” He loved him — and because He loved him, He told him the truth, even knowing it might cost the relationship.

This is holy love: a heart fully open, but unwilling to compromise the truth just to keep someone near.

The Jesus of Revelation: Love on Fire

We sometimes forget that the Jesus of the Gospels is the same Jesus in Revelation — eyes like blazing fire, voice like many waters, the One who walks among the lampstands (His churches) and speaks with unshakable authority.

In Revelation 2–3, He addresses churches that were compromising — tolerating sin, growing lukewarm, losing their first love. His words are strong, even severe at times: “Repent… or I will remove your lampstand.” “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.”

This was not cruelty. This was love in its holy form — a love that could not stand by while His people drifted into self-satisfaction and spiritual death. He loved them enough to warn them that the way they were going was not the way to life.

To the church in Laodicea, He said they thought they were rich and in need of nothing, but in truth they were “wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.” Yet even in His rebuke, He offered restoration: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” His love burned too hot to leave them deceived and comfortable in their compromise.

Jesus: Fierce Strength and Humble Love

This is the same Jesus whose presence was so commanding that His disciples were afraid to ask Him a question (Mark 9:32). He could silence raging storms with a word. He could clear the temple courts single-handedly. He could speak to religious leaders in such a way that they “dared not ask Him any more questions” (Luke 20:40). This was not a man you could manipulate, intimidate, or trifle with.

And yet… this is also the Jesus who got down on His knees, took a towel, and washed the dusty feet of His disciples (John 13:1–17) — a servant’s task. The same Jesus who held children in His arms. The same Jesus who wept at the tomb of a friend.

He was utterly unshakable in strength and utterly self-emptying in humility.

  • His strength meant He never compromised truth or allowed evil to pass unchallenged.
  • His humility meant He served, forgave, and embraced those who could offer Him nothing in return.

This is why His love was unlike anything the world had seen — it was holy and fierce, yet humble and tender. The Jesus who could strike fear in the hearts of hypocrites was the same Jesus who could calm the fears of a child.

Love Is Kind, But Not Compromised

Love in its purest form seeks the true good of the other person, not just their comfort in the moment. That means love sometimes feels gentle, like Jesus telling the weary, “Come to Me, and I will give you rest.” But other times, love feels like a confrontation in the temple, tables overturning, and hypocrisy laid bare for all to see.

Paul captured this balance in Ephesians 4:15: “Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head — Christ.” Truth without love can crush; love without truth can corrupt. Together, they give life.

You Don’t Have to Pacify the Proud

When you meet someone stubborn, arrogant, or determined to stay in the wrong, your job is not to twist yourself into a pretzel to make them feel good about it. Love does not require you to pacify those who misuse power, mock truth, or refuse correction.

Jesus didn’t run after the Pharisees trying to win them over with warm words. He told them the truth in no uncertain terms — and then He moved on. He didn’t let their disapproval or rejection derail His mission.

The Epistles echo this strength:

  • Galatians 6:1 – “If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.” Gentleness here is strength under control — not passivity.
  • 2 Timothy 4:2 – “Reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” Love calls out sin when needed, but with a patient desire for repentance.
  • Titus 2:15 – “Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.”

The Hardest Command: Love Your Enemies

Jesus said in Matthew 5:44: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Paul repeated it in Romans 12:20: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.”

At first glance, this sounds like the exact opposite of His confrontations with the arrogant. But look closer:

  • Love your enemies means willing their ultimate good, not indulging their destructive behavior.
  • Sometimes that good requires confrontation — holding up the mirror of truth.
  • Other times it requires unexpected kindness that disarms hostility.

Think of Jesus on the cross: He did not dilute truth for those who crucified Him, yet He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” His love did not retreat into bitterness, and it did not collapse into appeasement. It stood in truth with an open heart.

Not Sentiment, But Sacrifice

Loving an enemy is not about warm feelings. It’s about living from God’s heart — even toward those who reject you. That might mean feeding them if they’re hungry. It might mean refusing to join their schemes. It might mean speaking truth they despise hearing.

Paul’s words in Romans 12:18–21 summarize it: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

The Strength to Love Like Jesus

This kind of love is not the ego’s fight or flight. It’s the Spirit’s third way — a wide-open heart that is also deeply anchored in truth.

It forgives seventy times seven — but never uses forgiveness to enable ongoing harm. It blesses enemies — but never calls evil “good” in order to win their favor. It refuses to harden — but refuses to pacify.

This is what it means to be full of both holiness and love: a heart that mirrors God’s perfect purity and His perfect compassion at the same time.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is strong. And the kind of love that comes from God will never be content to leave someone in the darkness just because the light makes them uncomfortable.

And here is the final measure of it all: “Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Corinthians 16:14). That means every confrontation, every act of service, every truth spoken, every decision made must flow out of real love and compassion for people — never from pride, anger, or ego. If love isn’t the root, it isn’t the way of Jesus.

— Donald Flor, Cofounder of Love Love Love

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